There was no world without you
The truth wasn't even true
At least I told my teenage self
How could I dare behave myself
While your nose was so cute
How could I stop my wild eyes
From looking at that fateful figure
So many songs I composed in my heart
To honour what I couldn't hold

If I told you I loved you then
Your face would light up with a magic smile
You would dismiss my wanton thoughts
And break my heart even further
Saying I should curb my lascivious mind
But I think I loved you so
I thought about you all the little time
Composed so many lovelorn songs
I told my poor teenage self
That soon these thoughts would vanish
And my heart would be sane and grown

Sane and grown, what is sane and grown
I still see the pimply teen
Who stopped you so many times
Just to stammer, fidget and blurt
“I... I... I just wanted to say ‘hi’”
The truth caged by my teenage ribs
No, I didn't want to say just ‘hi’
I wanted to kiss you and even die
Stuck on your unsullied lips
Didn't you notice my dewy eyes
As in notice and not just say
“You are one talented little boy
And I like your unusual Irish name!”

Little boy, really! Not even young man?
Irish name, really! Nothing of my own?
See how you broke my teenage heart
The way you called the Irish name
Made me begrudge the un-African proper noun
I wished you could call me instead
Not just my Irish name...
I wished I could have that sparky voice
Even just for a million days

Today I meet you ‘childhood love’
And my heart bursts in a million stars
You look at me with your sexy smile
And my heart breaks my fragile ribs
The laughter at the corners of your eyes
Sends my knees into judders
I see that ebullient body
And spiders awaken in my belly
You spread your magnetic arms to hug me
And, trust me, I can't feel my legs

But, love, you still break my heart!
“Look at you! You're now a big boy
I knew you when you were a messy baby!”
I try to scratch my beard
To drive some demons into your head
But, love, you again break my heart!
“Well, well, well! I see you've even grown
A few more whiskers, huh!”
So, all this time, dear crush
You've only seen a messy baby
Grow into a big boy
Not an... an object of desire
I think I'm childzoned!

© 254brady, 2017

Photo: Frank Morrison


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